Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hope & Change-itis

I have caught it folks.

That's right, I, the die hard neocon, the bastion of conservative principles, the defender of classic liberalism, the mouthpiece of the Bushitler-Cheneyburton conspiracy machine, the orator of conservative ideals have caught Hope & Change-itis.

I can not wait until Tuesday. I squirm in my seat. I swoon at the mere sight of the Obamessiah. I am infatuated with all things Obama. I saw advertised on the internet (no commercials on AFN out here) a Barrack Obama commemorative coin set and it was all I could do not to order it. It gave me the vapors.

Why is this you ask. Have I sold out my ideals? Have I given up on a lifetime of conservatism? Have I forgotten that my first word was "Elephant?" Have I finally given in to the pressure to become a lefty? May it never be!

While there are times when I say to myself "Self! It is hard work being a conservative. It's hard to stand up to the droves of lefties who are incapable of thinking for themselves and only spout what the Pelosi-Reid-Clinbama machine tells them to. I'm tired of beating them off with a cricket bat like Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead. Plus I keep breaking the cricket bat on their hard lefty skulls. It's oh so tiring to pull conservative principles out from under the bus to which they have been thrown by their own party. My back hurts! I should just give in to it all, take the easy route and blame everything on Bushitler. It's so much easier to answer every problem with 'the government should do it.' It's a simple thing to look at the racial breakdown of the prison population and conclude that America is racist and the government should do something about that instead of looking deeper into the socio-economic issues that cause that and applying, you know, thought to the problem. I'll do that!"

Wait! I can't do that. I've spent my life taking the hard, right (correct) road. There's no way I can quit now.

So this brings me to my recent case of Hope & Change-itis. I am full of hope and looking forward to change for one reason. Come Tuesday it will be so much easier to be a conservative. Come Tuesday I won't have to answer any of the wild claims of my lefty friends. I can just sit back and smile. Oh how relaxing it will be! Honestly the lefties will probably pay me no mind. They'll be too busy lambasting Obama for not applying all his lefty ideals because like plans in general and liberal plans in specific they don't survive contact with reality. It's started already! Like Troothers when confronted with facts, lefties just don't want to talk about it. Come Tuesday the left is going to have to start facing the fact that they elected a man who's only accomplishment was to get elected. They will see that he's never managed anything in his life. The best part about it all is that I won't have to say a thing. I can just smirk and shrug my shoulders.

Oh sure the majority of them will still blame Bush for most of the failings of Obama. However, it will be a half-hearted blame. Deep down inside they'll know it's just an excuse and I'm ok with that. In reality the Democrats will have no excuse. They are in the drivers seat and they can't blame Bush and the right for driving like a retarded puppy when they're not even in the car.

It's always somewhat satisfying to see someone get what they want. Nothing like reality to make someone shut the !@#$ up.


Anonymous said...

Well said. I, too, have caught the fever and for the very reasons you mention, but mainly so that soon after Jan.20 we can get back to magazine covers of Jen and Britney and The Next Great Idea instead of The One.
Keep posting; keep taking pictures; keep safe.

Bag Blog said...

How does the song go...Don't worry - Be happy...

Jason said...

Oh, blaming Bush will be good for another 2-3 years at least. Lefties have a vivid imagination.

LT Nixon said...

haha, great post. Extra points for using a Shaun of the Dead reference!

Joltin' Django said...

defender of classic liberalism

I, too, am a classical liberal. My bookshelf is stocked with dog-eared copies of books penned by Friedman, Laffer, Wanniski, Hayket, and Kirk ...

Keep up the good work, my friend. You are indeed doing Ronald Reagan's work.