Tuesday, February 17, 2009

All Right Folks

... I've got a lot to talk about so grab a cup of coffee and have a seat, this could take a while.

First off let me preface all this with the following statement. I am an American soldier and I go wherever and do whatever the American president tells me to. My loyalty lies unconditionally with the President and the constitution. The party of the President or my agreement/disagreement with him or his party does not affect that loyalty.

Now having said that, I was pretty open minded about the "stimulus" bill until I saw this. At this website you can pick a state then a city and see what chunk they have of the "stimulus" package.

After looking through my state and the states of a couple of guys I work with I have been unable to find ANYTHING that I would call "stimulus." Now I am no economist but I work with one (who is a lefty BTW) and I consider myself to be of at least average intelligence. It looks to me that this "stimulus" is nothing more than a laundry list of projects that every town in America wants to get done. I was unable to find anything that "stimulates" the economy, unless you only care about the construction industry.

It reminds me of the stuff we are doing here in Afghanistan. The projects are largely of the same variety. I guess we must be trying to "stimulate" Afghanistan. It's no wonder there was such a sense of urgency to get it passed. I am sure that if the American people had this kind of information before it was passed the switchboard at the Capitol Building would have been lit up like a Christmas tree. Oh well, get ready for a lot of this from the most transparent Congress in history.

Ok, let's talk about NCOERs for a minute. This is mainly directed at people who know what I'm talking about. If this makes no sense to you then just move along.

For all of you officers out there let me explain something to you. Just because an NCO is not the perfect model of an NCO, you know the kind who even if your life depended on it you couldn't come up with a single thing he could do even the slightest bit better, that doesn't mean you 2 block him.

In a perfect world only the greatest of NCOs would get 1 & 1 but unfortunately the real world doesn't work that way. Here on planet earth you get 1 & 1 unless you're a dirtbag. Stop trying to change the world one NCOER at a time. You may think you are doing the right thing but in reality you are screwing a perfectly capable NCO just because you don't like how the system is. It's quite Quixotic. Unlike your OER system ours is not weighted against the raters other reports. Us NCOs really have very little use for you officers anyway so why make it worse?

That's ok. I don't need to ever get promoted again.

Ah, on to love! I have been a smoker for a combined total of about 15 years off and on. I am currently off and like every time before I am bound and determined to stay off. For those of you who have been smokers you know that it's like being an alcoholic. No matter how long it's been since your last drink you are still an alcoholic. No matter how long it's been since your last smoke you are still a smoker. You still have cravings. The longest I've ever quit was four years (then I met my first recruiting 1SG.) Even after four years I would still have cravings every now and then. Now I'm at 7 1/2 months without a cigarette and still going strong.

So how does love tie into all of this? Love is the same. I have been truly in love twice in my life and both times it ended with much heartache. When love ends it's a lot like quitting smoking or drinking. You start off with constant cravings and eventually they get less and less. The first time I was 17 and "quit" so to speak for four years. The longings got less and less but they never totally went away. I think I could even say that today. They are subtle and don't carry a lot of water but they are still there. This time around it's been almost two years and while they are still there I can at least think around them. They no longer define me. However, I have several more years of them being there.

I'm like a heroin addict who got clean and then started smoking crack. Now that I've quit smoking crack I have two addictions to battle. I don't think I need a third one to add on top of all that. The temptation is always there but in reality I just don't need it. I'm old enough now that my hormones are in check. Now, I love you ladies but the whole thing is just not worth what it costs. I think I'll just stay celibate for the near (and far for that matter) future. You women are just too much work.

My little Pavlov moment. I read an article about a pill that claims to erase bad memories. In the course of the article it talked about a study where they tried to create bad memories in people. They basically showed someone a picture of a spider and then gave them a small shock. After a while the people would associate spiders with shocks.

This is all nothing new. Pavlov figured out this basal response way back in 1890. So here's how this all relates to me. My 1SG when I first started recruiting duty (the same one who lead me to start smoking again) was the epitome of evil. I've never met a man I despised more (notice I said man.) Picture the worst person you have ever had to work for and then multiply that by... oh... about... a gazillion. From here on out we'll call him Satanus (latin for Satan.) Satanus would pull up in the station parking lot and you would get this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know the one. When, as a child, you screwed something up majorly and your mom said "wait till your father gets home." You dreaded it all day and then you see the lights of your dad's car as it pulls in the driveway. That feeling you had then was the same one I would have about once a week when this guy would visit my station.

He would usually show up right around when you were supposed to start P1. This was the worst possible time because every phone call you made, whether or not anyone even answered, would be followed by about 30 minuted of him yelling and you not saying anything. He would have you report to the company HQ around 2000 and wouldn't finish yelling until midnight. One of the guys I worked with was a ring recruiter after only two years on the job. He was and still is the best recruiter I have ever met and the guy never once so much as thought about bending a rule. On about a weekly basis Satanus would call this guy every name in the book. I heard names come out of that guy's mouth that I'd never heard in my life before that. And this was to a guy who religiously wrote four a month. Imagine what I got called.

When I first got there one of the guys told me never to just pull into the parking lot at the end of the day. Always, he said, pull around the side of the building and check to see if the 1SG was there first. That way you could either call the station and make some excuse for not coming back or failing that you could at least stretch out and get psyched up for the beat down. I followed that advise my whole time in recruiting.

The point of all this is that whenever I see that certain model of car (not a common one) driving down the road, for just a split second I want to swerve the other way. For a moment in time I want to go in the opposite direction for a long ways. I look for the nearest way out. And then the conscious part of my brain takes over and I am reminded that all of that was a long time ago. I haven't seen that guy in about four years and still I do that.

Music is a cruel mistress. I am so frustrated by my inability to let out the music that is inside of me. I get so much joy from music but it's is so frustrating when I can't express it the way I want to. Maybe one day I'll crack the code, but it won't be today. In the same vein I have about four half written books. I wish I could just finish one.

I really hate MPG syndrome. Never heard of it? It's My Personal Gym syndrome. It's where some yahoo has four sets of dumbbells, two benches, a bar and the squat rack all tied up so he can do his own little personal circuits. All this while there's about 30 people in the gym.

In closing take a look at this picture and remember how wonderful this world is, even the crappy parts of it.

Friday, January 30, 2009

LJHGFUDYGFLG

The mantra of the left when it comes to the abortion issue is that a woman has the right to A: privacy (according to the Supreme Court,) B: do what she wants with her body and C: reproductive freedom.

So why is it that when a lady has octuplets the left calls her irresponsible, questions her motives for having so many children and calls for regulation of fertility efforts. What happened to all that privacy and reproductive freedom? What happened to her right to do what she wants with her body?

I seem to remember a few chants going something like "keep your laws off of my body" and "stay out of my uterus."

It's just more of the same moral flexibility that is the hallmark of the left. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore.

Chutzpah

It is absolutely unbelievable that CNN can print these with a straight face. No lefty can argue against liberal media bias ever again.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Another NY Dem Clown Car Moment

I cant stop laughing after hearing the news that Caroline Kennedy no longer wants to be a senator. This is like amateur hour or something. They might as well have asked Paris Hilton if she wanted the job. They're both equally qualified and live off of their pedigrees. Paris Hilton might even be a bit more qualified what with her YouTube bits and all.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hope & Change-itis

I have caught it folks.

That's right, I, the die hard neocon, the bastion of conservative principles, the defender of classic liberalism, the mouthpiece of the Bushitler-Cheneyburton conspiracy machine, the orator of conservative ideals have caught Hope & Change-itis.

I can not wait until Tuesday. I squirm in my seat. I swoon at the mere sight of the Obamessiah. I am infatuated with all things Obama. I saw advertised on the internet (no commercials on AFN out here) a Barrack Obama commemorative coin set and it was all I could do not to order it. It gave me the vapors.

Why is this you ask. Have I sold out my ideals? Have I given up on a lifetime of conservatism? Have I forgotten that my first word was "Elephant?" Have I finally given in to the pressure to become a lefty? May it never be!

While there are times when I say to myself "Self! It is hard work being a conservative. It's hard to stand up to the droves of lefties who are incapable of thinking for themselves and only spout what the Pelosi-Reid-Clinbama machine tells them to. I'm tired of beating them off with a cricket bat like Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead. Plus I keep breaking the cricket bat on their hard lefty skulls. It's oh so tiring to pull conservative principles out from under the bus to which they have been thrown by their own party. My back hurts! I should just give in to it all, take the easy route and blame everything on Bushitler. It's so much easier to answer every problem with 'the government should do it.' It's a simple thing to look at the racial breakdown of the prison population and conclude that America is racist and the government should do something about that instead of looking deeper into the socio-economic issues that cause that and applying, you know, thought to the problem. I'll do that!"

Wait! I can't do that. I've spent my life taking the hard, right (correct) road. There's no way I can quit now.

So this brings me to my recent case of Hope & Change-itis. I am full of hope and looking forward to change for one reason. Come Tuesday it will be so much easier to be a conservative. Come Tuesday I won't have to answer any of the wild claims of my lefty friends. I can just sit back and smile. Oh how relaxing it will be! Honestly the lefties will probably pay me no mind. They'll be too busy lambasting Obama for not applying all his lefty ideals because like plans in general and liberal plans in specific they don't survive contact with reality. It's started already! Like Troothers when confronted with facts, lefties just don't want to talk about it. Come Tuesday the left is going to have to start facing the fact that they elected a man who's only accomplishment was to get elected. They will see that he's never managed anything in his life. The best part about it all is that I won't have to say a thing. I can just smirk and shrug my shoulders.

Oh sure the majority of them will still blame Bush for most of the failings of Obama. However, it will be a half-hearted blame. Deep down inside they'll know it's just an excuse and I'm ok with that. In reality the Democrats will have no excuse. They are in the drivers seat and they can't blame Bush and the right for driving like a retarded puppy when they're not even in the car.

It's always somewhat satisfying to see someone get what they want. Nothing like reality to make someone shut the !@#$ up.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Blah

Sorry folks but not a lot of posting lately. Been doing quite a bit of traveling around recently which means spotty internet access. Probably won't be back at it all for a while. It's cool though, keeps me busy.

Anyway, I've been trying out a few things with my camera lately, some quite abstract. Here are a couple of them.



Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Troofers

So I met my first truther the other day. If you're not familiar with truthers they are people who believe that, in some form or fashion, the US government was either responsible for or complicit in the 9/11 attacks. The theories range from the-government-planned-and-orchestrated-the-killing-of-3,000-people-so-we-could-go-to-war type to the knew-about-it-but-did-nothing flavor.

I find it quite delusional and seriously fail to see how any rational person could buy into it. I just find it unbelievable that the government (and not the shapeless formless blob that people envision when they here the word "government" but the entity that runs this country that is made up of you know, people) would be able to make such a leap as to kill 3,000 of it's own innocent citizens but then leave well enough alone the handful of people who have "exposed" their grand scheme.

What I had read about but hadn't experienced is what it's like to talk/debate/argue with a truther in real life, face to face, mano a wacko. If you haven't read Bill Whittle's Seeing the Unseen Part 1 & Part 2 then stop what you are doing and go read it. He mentions the same thing I discovered... a truther will not disprove you, they won't even try. They bring up something... the towers where brought down in a controlled demolition. You counter... the WTC towers were an order of magnitude larger than any other building that has ever been drought down under controlled demolition, and those took months to rig not two days. Instead of offering some type of quasi-logic to disprove that they just simply move on "oh well, what about the fact that no plane parts where found on the Pentagon lawn?!?!" It doesn't matter what you say to them or what mind blowing logic like "the picture they show of no plane parts on the Pentagon lawn is 1 of about 4 while there are hundreds that show plane parts all over the place" they will simply move on. It can be quite a frustrating experience. The funny thing about it was he wasn't even an American. He was from an unnamed European country. Go figure.

So anyway after a couple of those back and forths I simply gave up and went to bed confident in the fact that I am not a retard and he is quite contently crazy under the guise of "asking questions."

Friday, December 12, 2008

Bandwagon

... I'll jump on it too.



1. Started your own blog. Yup.
2. Slept under the stars. Uh huh.
3. Played in a band. I actually opened for Hootie & the Blowfish once.
4. Visited Hawaii. Lived there for quite a few years of my life.
5. Watched a meteor shower. Nope
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. After Katrina
7. Been to Disneyland. Nope
8. Climbed a mountain. Several
9. Held a praying mantis. Yup
10. Sang a solo. Nope
11. Bungee jumped. Nope
12. Visited Paris. Been there but never got off the plane.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. Nope
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. Several
15. Adopted a child. Nope
16. Had food poisoning. Nope
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Nope
18. Grown your own vegetables. My mom has had a vegetable garden for as long as I can remember
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France. Nope
20. Slept on an overnight train. Nope
21. Had a pillow fight. Yup with rocks in the pillowcases.
22. Hitch hiked. Nope
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. Of course
24. Built a snow fort. Yup
25. Held a lamb. Nope
26. Gone skinny dipping. Yuppers
27. Run a Marathon. Half marathon once
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. Nope
29. Seen a total eclipse. Sure have
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. Many times
31. Hit a home run. Once when I was a kid
32. Been on a cruise. Nope
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. Sure have
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. I lived in the same town my dad was born in for a while.
35. Seen an Amish community. Nope
36. Taught yourself a new language. Kind of
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. Not possible
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person. Nope
39. Gone rock (wall) climbing. Yuppers
40. Seen Michelangelo's David. Nope
41. Sung karaoke. No way
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt. Nope
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant. Yes
44. Visited Africa. Egypt is part of Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight. Many times
46. Been transported in an ambulance. Nope
47. Had your portrait painted / drawn. Nope
48. Gone deep sea fishing. Many times
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person. Nope
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. See #12
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling. Dove a lot when I was in high school
52. Kissed in the rain. Nope
53. Played in the mud. Of course
54. Gone to a drive-in theater. Once to see Ratatouille
55. Been in a movie. Came close once
56. Visited the Great Wall of China. Nope
57. Started a business. Always wanted to
58. Taken a martial arts class. Three lessons because I won them
59. Visited Russia. Was scheduled to once but it got cancelled
60. Served at a soup kitchen. Nope
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies. No but I've eaten a lot
62. Gone whale watching. Not on purpose but I have seen them while out diving
63. Got flowers for no reason. No
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma. Many times
65. Gone sky diving. Nope
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp. Nope
67. Bounced a check. Yes
68. Flown in a helicopter. Many times
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy. I had a really cool Millennium Falcon but my mom gave it to a charity.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial. At about 2 am once. Lucky I wasn't mugged
71. Eaten Caviar. Nope
72. Pieced a quilt. I used to help my grandmother with hers when I was a kid
73. Stood in Times Square. Nope
74. Toured the Everglades. Nope
75. Been fired from a job. Nope
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London. Nope
77. Broken a bone. Three
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. Nope
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person. Nope
80. Published a book. I have about three half written ones
81. Visited the Vatican. Nope
82. Bought a brand new car. Once and I'll never do it again
83. Walked in Jerusalem. Been to Israel but not Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper. Once when I was about 8
85. Read the entire Bible. Several times
86. Visited the White House. See #70
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. Several times
88. Had chickenpox. Yup, still have a scar from it
89. Saved someone’s life. Nope
90. Sat on a jury. Nope
91. Met someone famous. Several
92. Joined a book club. Those things are stupid
93. Lost a loved one. Not a close one
94. Had a baby. Three
95. Seen the Alamo in person. Many times, I used to live in SA
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. Nope
97. Been involved in a law suit. Not unless you count a divorce
98. Owned a cell phone. Several
99. Been stung by a bee. Once when I was about 6 hours away from civilization, lucky I'm not allergic
100. Read an entire book in one day. A few

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Monday, December 01, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

Random Thoughts

I had the privilege of visiting one of the main shindigs here and as is the customary Army way there are the invaluable reflective belts EVERYWHERE! As I was walking around I was reminded of when the new PT uniform came out. As some of my friends and I were reviewing these new uniforms someone commented on the fact that it includes reflective material on it. A comment was made about the fact that the uniform was being pitched as precluding the need for a reflective belt due to the reflective material. It's just funny and very Army like that despite the presence of reflective material we still wear reflective belts with the PT uniform. I am convinced that if the Army had a PT uniform with a yellow reflective stripe across it or even if the whole stinking thing was made of luminescent material we would still be wearing that stupid reflective belt. Maybe it's a conspiracy? PXs are frequently out of stock on numerous essential items but they never seem to be out of reflective belts, at $7 a pop. Coincidence? I think not. Could it be....................Satan!?!?

Some of you may or may not remember from before my hiatus but I am a musician. I play three instruments now and am in the process of learning a fourth. I have written and recorded a few songs but haven't done anything with them, mostly because I'm just not satisfied with them. I have a handful of half written songs laying around my computer, some partially recorded, some not. I have some simple recording gear here with me but it's of sufficiently low quality so as to only allow me to get something down so as not to forget it. The problem is that I feel like there is a really great song inside me and I just can't figure out how to get it out. Some of the stuff I have written I like but I know that it's not "it." They are not what I know I am capable of. If only I could figure out how to let it out. I talked to my brother who is an artist and ten times the musician I am and he has the same experience in all of his creative ventures. Must be all musicians.

I just downloaded the new Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy (piracy, guilty, arghh.) I have only listened to it once and haven't really gotten to know it yet but my first impression is that it's not bad, not bad at all. Now I want my Dr Pepper.

I just discovered 30 Rock. Filed under intelligently funny shows that I easily get addicted to.

Ditto for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If you haven't discovered that show then do so now.

This is simply brilliant.

Again, as some of you may remember, I am a big fan of Britcoms. I have recently discovered one called Green Wing. It's like an over the top Scrubs that would never be allowed in the states. It's awesome. However one thing I've noticed is that most British TV shows seem to only last a few seasons. Like two or three. Whereas American TV goes for eight or ten. I find Brit humor so much more intelligent and witty. Too bad they seam to burn out fast. Then again I'm not sure anybody could keep up Fawlty Towers type antics for too long.

When I went on hiatus I saved all my posts from my blog before I deleted them. I was thinking about re-posting some of them. Preferably the more profound (hahaha) ones. Your thoughts.

Friday, November 07, 2008

AOL Redux

So I get an email the other day that says my XBox live membership is due to automatically renew in a month. Huh?!?! So I go online to the page for my account and what do you know there is no option to not automatically renew or to cancel. According to their FAQ to do that you need to call. Well here is the dilemma. Believe it or not I have internet access here but no phone access. It's only every now and then that I get to a phone. So I fired off an email explaining my situation. I was very polite and expected some kind of help. Here is the reply I got.

Thank you for writing to Xbox Live. We are sorry to hear that you want to cancel your Xbox Live subscription. As much as I would like to help you over email, all cancellation problems are being addressed through our phone support line. We at email support line do not have the capabilities to pull up your account, since this issue has a degree of sensitivity. Be advised that by canceling your subscription, you will lose any remaining time on the service in addition to your gamer tag and game rankings.If you still want to cancel, please call our Xbox Phone Support. We may require personal information for verification which cannot be divulged over email. When you call, immediate action will be given to your inquiries or request.


My response

Did you even read my email? I am in Afghanistan! I DO NOT HAVE ANY MEANS OF USING A PHONE. If I can bank over the internet you can cancel my lowly little xbox live account over the internet. Thousands of businesses are capable of identifying me over the internet, I'm pretty sure Microsoft can.Your website will even let me add another credit card or change any other aspect of my membership but it won't let me choose not to automaticly renew or cancel. Yea right, I'm sure that has to do with "personal information being passed over email." While you may not have the ability to help me you need to forward this to someone who can. If my membership is renewed and I am charged for xbox live when I have no means of using it then I will never ever purchase another piece of Microsoft software again.


Their response

Thank you for contacting Microsoft online support for XBOX. I am (Name) and I will be helping you today with this issue. I apologize for the inconvenience. I understand that you are from Afghanistan and need to call Xbox Customer Support to cancel your account. You may call any of the numbers listed below that is nearest your region:


My response

Apparently you did not read my message either. I am not from Afghanistan. I am an American serviceman deployed to Afghanistan. I HAVE NO ACCESS TO A PHONE. DO NOT RENEW MY XBOX LIVE MEMBERSHIP!!!!!!!! I AM GETTING TIRED OF REPEATING MYSELF. This is all strangely reminiscent of the whole AOL cancellation debacle. You all have no security issues with me changing a credit card or any other sensitive aspect of my account online yet for me to not want to automatically renew is too sensitive to pass over email?!?! So, (Name) for the last time, pretty please with a cherry on top let me make myself perfectly clear, I WILL NEVER PURCHASE ANOTHER PIECE OF MICROSOFT ANYTHING IF MY XBOX LIVE MEMBERSHIP IS AUTOMATICALLY RENEWED!!!


What is wrong with people! So frustrating.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Dichotomous

Thanks to all you folks who are still around. I was kind of worried nobody would care anymore. What's that old anti-war saying about what if you hosted a war and no one showed up...

So yeah, um, Afghanistan, yeah. Well, I'm involved in the contracting process here. Basically myself and a few other people contract local companies to build schools, roads, clinics and the like. It is a very dichotomous experience. For those of you about to look that word up it means that there are two equal parts to it. It is both extremely rewarding and extremely frustrating at the same time.

It's very rewarding when a project is finished and the people are grateful for it. Especially schools or orphanages. Unfortunately it frequently happens that you finish a project and a week later the locals are complaining that it's not good enough or that Ahmed the villager thinks he is an engineer and says that a building made of stone, cement and rebar is going to fall in after a stiff breeze. That aspect of it is endlessly frustrating. Some of these villages are full of the most selfish ungrateful people I've ever met in my life. However some are full of some of the most beautiful people I've ever met.

I have very little sympathy for most of the adults here. They choose to continue a life of hate and violence. However, my heart breaks for the kids. They don't choose this life. They just have to live it.

When I first got here I would take lots of pictures of the scenery because it really is beautiful. It reminds me of parts of Utah and Arizona. However, I find that I hardly ever take pictures of the scenery any more. Now almost every picture I take is of a kid. Unfortunately I broke my camera the other day so I am picture-less until this gets here.

Oh well enough rambling. Here is one of my favorite pictures that I have taken since getting here.



Thanks for showing up guys and gals.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ketchup

I guess a little back story is in order. There is a reason that I have been gone for the last year and a half. So here we go.

In the span of about 3 months my whole life fell apart.

It started when I found a cigarette butt in my truck. It was of a brand that neither myself or my wife smoked. Things that make you go Hmmm. Very shortly thereafter my wife left me for another soldier. I begged her to stay, said that I forgave her and that I wanted to make it work. She wanted nothing to do with it and divorced me a few months later.

Needless to say, I was a wreck. My performance at work went into freefall. I just didn't care. I showed up in the morning for a few hours and then went home to my new tiny apartment in the ghetto and didn't answer the phone. I would see my kids on the weekends and the whole time they would talk about Mr X who my son referred to as his new daddy.

When I got home I would open a beer and wouldn't stop until I passed out. I did that every single night. I lived off of Ramen noodles and beer.

My brother came and stayed with me for a couple of weeks and frankly I don't think I would have made it through the whole ordeal if he hadn't been there for me. I am forever in his debt for that.

My chain of command gave me three days of leave to deal with it. After that when my station's performance wasn't up to snuff I was told "I know you're going through a tough time BUT get over it," and "some people deal with crisis by throwing themselves into their work, maybe you should do that." I think it goes without saying that they gave my problems a cursory nod and then went right back to beating me up about the mission. Never mind that I was still making mission running the largest station in the state it just wasn't the 150% or so that the crook before me was making.

About two months after the whole mess started the recruiting command that I belonged to took a very, very minor indiscretion on my part (and I mean minor) and used it to kick me out of recruiting. I was relieved as Station Commander and made a normal dirt bag recruiter. The funny thing is that although I was no longer considered qualified to stay in recruiting I was still on numbers. They had no problem getting a few more bones out of me as they were kicking me out and ensuring that I will never get promoted again.

The most ironic part of it all is that for the last couple of months that I was in recruiting they had me run a station while the SC was in school. While I was running that station we had our ATC and I was not invited because "I was being relieved."

I always suspected that the recruiting command used my minor indiscretion as an excuse to get rid of a Station Commander who they thought had been ruined by his personal circumstances. I suspect though that it was more like they didn't want to wait for me to work through things. In classic recruiting style they wanted it now, not in a little while and my career was a small thing to sacrifice to "get it now."

In reality they did me a favor. I hated every minute that I was in recruiting. I hated it before I converted and I hated it after. However I put up with it all because I thought (and still do) that it was important. That if I didn't do it then somebody else would have to. They relieved me of that burden. I no longer had to sacrifice myself for the greater good. Thank the Lord almighty. The prospect of never getting promoted again is much more palatable then the thought of finishing out my career in recruiting.

So I was sent back to my original MOS and moved to another Army post and shortly thereafter deployed to Afghanistan. And so here I am, in the desert and loving it. I stopped drinking (obviously,) quit smoking about three months ago (haven't cheated once,) started going back to the gym and getting things back on track spiritually. I've lost 20 lbs, am right with God and I've never felt better in my life.

About a month ago my ex-wife started e-stalking me, asking me to take her back. I politely told her that I don't want anything to do with her and honestly, it felt good. Although I told her that I forgive her (I do) and that I'm not bitter (I'm not) it kind of signaled to me that I am truly over it. Up until that point I would begin to think that I was over it all and then I would spiral back down into a pit of self pity and depression and longing for her. This time I had none of those feelings and found it very easy to make the right decision.

I say the right decision because I think that's exactly what it was. I firmly believe that we decide who we love. When we "decide" to love (in the romantic sense) people who are seriously flawed we are compromising common sense and standards for petty emotions, emotions that will one day fade away. Then we are left with those character flaws that, sadly, rarely go away regardless of claimed "changes" etc. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to find a perfect woman with no character flaws. However, I do expect to find someone with minor ones that I can be comfortable living with when the emotions fade. I can't be with someone who cheats. If she were a complete stranger who I did not have a history with but had done what she did I wouldn't want to be with her. Maybe she deserves a second chance but it doesn't have to come from me.

As for the recruiting command I hope one day they will realize that not only do they not have to chew people up and spit them out in order to make mission but that one day it might be the downfall of the Army. What's sad is that more recruiters will lose their careers, families and sadly their lives before they figure that out. To me that is a travesty and the movers and shakers of recruiting should all be ashamed of themselves. Despite some small mistakes I made during my time in recruiting I sleep soundly every night and have no problem whatsoever shaving with my eyes open every morning. Frankly I don't see how they do.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Home

While I enjoy being here very much today is just one of those days where all I want to do is go home. I miss my kids. I miss my life, what life I had that is. I just want to get back to it and start over. That's something I haven't had a chance to do since everything fell apart. This is probably all spurred on by the fact that a lot of the people I have been working with the last few months have been replaced. I had grown quite close to a few of them. Since I last posted regularly to this blog I have become much more sentimental and emotional. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. Oh well.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I'm Back

I'm on the way back folks.

Big changes coming soon.

Keep an eye out.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Goodbye

Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. They have really meant a lot to me.

*Link*

Till next time.